Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
