What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
