why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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