Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
