My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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