he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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