If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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