Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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