If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
