u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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