Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
