Got a toothbrush?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
