That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
