So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
