I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
