My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
