Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
