That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
