We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
