I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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