wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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