i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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