this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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