I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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