It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
