A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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