I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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