I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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