we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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