My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
