I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found the puke drawer
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
