I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
