i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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