You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
