I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My vagina is very pro this idea
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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