i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
