At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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