I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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