"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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