She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
