seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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