My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
