Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
