I cannot find my penis.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
