don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
