I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thus making me awesome and them whores
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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