maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
