You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
