I wish I could punch you in the face.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
