i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
