Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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