You can't motorboat a personality
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
