Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
