my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
