You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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