Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
