his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
