i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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