I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
