Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
