I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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