You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
