Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
