I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
