talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
