Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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