I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
