i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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