if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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