I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
