Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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