also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
