im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
